Is nagging worse for your relationship than cheating?

Is nagging really so bad? I've been married to a divorce lawyer for 26 years and he's never claimed that nagging is worse for a marriage than cheating. After all, most of us seem to think of nagging as annoying, but pretty benign and harmless. And some of us feel like we'll never get what we want unless we ask for it in 50 million ways. Yet almost a year ago, a Wall Street Journal columnist, Elizabeth Bernstein, made the provocative claim that nagging is a "marriage killer… more common than adultery and potentially as toxic".



A little science supports that provocative claim. Howard J. Markman, Professor of Psychology at the University of Denver and the Co-Director of the Center for Marital and Family Studies, spent 30 years studying conflict patterns and divorce. His team found that negative conflict patterns, consistent with nagging, attack love and jack up the risk of unhappiness and potential divorce. Markman knows something we all know: nagging is common. And therein lies its inherent danger. Your relationship is like a house in a falling rock zone: nagging frequently causes rocks to roll onto your house and chip away love, while cheating triggers an avalanche. You stay on the lookout for avalanches, but may be unaware of the long-term damage done by the frequent falling rocks.


So while nagging may actually not be worse for our marriages than cheating (falling rocks versus avalanche), maybe we need to recognize it as a genuine detriment to relationships. I can think of three important ways that persistent nagging can erode a relationship's foundation.

First up: Communication. Let's explore a scenario: the nagger gets really nervous whenever nagged one drives on long vacations. He's more aggressive behind the wheel and that triggers her anxiety. So she reminds him of the speed limit every five minutes, and uses hand and foot signals to encourage him to slow down. With each hour, the nagger's voice, hand, and foot signals become more emphatic, and nagged one becomes less attentive or maybe explodes in irritation. Neither spouse feels understood, and most likely neither understands the other. Nagging hijacks empathic communication.

Second up: Connection. When was the last time you wanted to cuddle up with your spouse after being nagged — or after nagging? Usually the more one nags, the faster and farther the other runs... literally or figuratively. If you nag your wife about something on the way to a nice restaurant, an evening out may lose its sparkle before drinks are served. If the two of you are trapped in a nagging cycle, you may confuse your struggle (nagging) with your identities (two people who can't get along). Nagging can make you lose track of who you are: two people who love each other and struggle with an ineffective communication habit. Think about changing your habit before you dream about changing your partner.

Third up: Trust. If you are the nagger, you may feel uncared for if your spouse repeatedly rejects your persistent pleas. If you are nagged, you may correctly think that your spouse does not trust you to be responsible in a particular area or in many areas. When nagging becomes entrenched, you each may feel like the other does not have your back. Trust erodes — not because the nagger and nagged one are inherently flawed — but because each is persistently trapped in an ineffective communication pattern. What if the nagger clearly states what he/she wants and explains why, and nagged one honestly states his/her intention and when he/she will comply? Each may need to compromise a little, but trust will begin grow. (And they can throw away their nagging labels).

So maybe nagging can't bring home an avalanche like cheating can. But if it persists unabated in your relationship, it can become an off-the-radar marriage killer. Perhaps it's time to take another look at this common communication pattern in our relationships.



via :msn

5 different kinds of mothers-in-law

The Fancypants

Natural Habitat: Saks
How to Spot: She’s dressed to the nines and makes you feel like a schlub.
How to Approach: This species will always try to top you, so the best way to get respect is to stick to your own style.

The Conservative
Natural Habitat: Church
How to Spot: Says a snide, “I see,” when you talk, and makes you feel like a child.
How to Approach: You can argue, but it won’t get you far. Biting your tongue will save you some grief and get you home sooner.


The Cool One
Natural Habitat: Her Volvo
How to Spot: She’s often hard to find since she has a very busy life of her own.
How to Approach: Don’t try too hard—once you spend enough time being yourself with her, she’ll be a good friend first, and a mother-in-law second.

The Hippie
Natural Habitat: Self-help group or yoga class
How to Spot: She’ll drop by unexpectedly.
How to Approach: You won’t get this species on your schedule or comfort level, but you can let her know some boundaries, like weekday walk-ins are off-limits but Sundays are okay.

The M.I.L.F. Wannabe
Natural Habitat: The plastic surgeon or spa
How to Spot: She wants to be your BFF since you married her “mamma’s boy.”
How to Approach: This species is looking for a friend and some reassurance. Smile and help her feel important.
via: msn

Hot Mom Defends Herself Against Facebook Haters

A California fitness enthusiast and mother of three is defending a controversial photo of herself that has prompted a cavalcade of Facebook critics to accuse her of fat shaming women. 

In the photo, seen at left, 32-year-old Maria Kangposes in a workout bra and matching micro shorts — revealing an incredibly toned figure with washboard abs — while surrounded by her three young sons, now 1, 3 and 4. Floating above her head is the question, “What’s your excuse?” The picture has gone viral, with more than 16 million views onFacebook, and has generated more than 12,000 comments. And while much of the input has been of the supportive “you go, girl” variety, plenty of it has been made up of angry, offended personal attacks on the photo subject, calling her everything from “obnoxious” and “fake” to a bad mom and a bully. 

But Kang, in an exclusive interview with Yahoo Shine, says that making other women feel bad about themselves is the opposite of what she was going for.

“I wanted to inspire people,” she explains, adding that the “What’s your excuse?” part was simply a borrowed, popular phrase that’s been used in various “fitspiration” campaigns. “I wanted to say, ‘I know you think you don’t have time if you have kids. But if I can do it, you can do it, too.’” 

Kang, of Sacramento, California, is a former pageant queen and fitness competitor who founded the nonprofit Fitness Without Borders in 2007. She's also a recovering bulimic. Kang says she understands why some people reacted so defensively. “I think people struggle with their weight,” she notes. “When you add on being a mother — and the pressures we face to have it all and be everything, including fit — the expectations are so high. I think some moms saw the picture and just said, ‘This is ridiculous.’” But still, she says, “I felt really frustrated. Being called a bad mother and a bad person definitely hurts.”

Though she first posted the photo to her Facebook page a year ago, Kang noticed it was being shared a lot more recently and that it was generating a swell of negative comments toward her. So she reposted it to her own 72,000-plus followers, tacking on an apology — which, she admits, is really a “non-apology.”

“I'm sorry you took an image and resonated with it in such a negative way. I won't go into details that I struggled with my genetics, had an eating disorder, work full time owning two businesses, have no nanny, am not naturally skinny and do not work as a personal trainer,” she wrote, in part. “What I WILL say is this. What you interpret is not MY fault. It's yours. The first step in owning your life, your body and your destiny is to OWN the thoughts that come out of your own head. I didn't create them. You created them. So if you want to continue ‘hating’ this image, get used to hating many other things for the rest of your life.” 

That post brought a frenzy of negative responses, including, “Those precious little things need their mommy more than they need you to have glamour muscles,” “Not that I *NEED* an excuse for not working out, but here's mine you self-righteous idiot … fibromyalgia,” “You are part of the body shaming problem that is going on in North America and other parts of the world,” and “You are a bully with a super inflated sense of your own self.” 

Many others, though, rallied in defense of Kang, with “Never apologize,” “Get a life and leave this woman alone,” and “Well done!” 

Because of the barrage, Kang has put together a FAQ page about her personal life, with responses to many of the criticisms and accusations she’s become accustomed to hearing. For example: “Do you work?” (Yes. She owns two small residential care facilities for the elderly.) “Do you have a nanny?” (No.) “Are those your kids? They all look different.” (“I have to say this is the funniest comment I’ve read. Of course, my children look like both the mother and father,” she writes. “I am half Malaysian Chinese and Filipina. My husband is a Caucasian mix of German, French, Norwegian and Spanish. They are all my kids.”)

Kang says she works out five to six days a week, about an hour at a time, doing a half-hour of strength training and a half-hour of cardio — running, the stair climber, or a spin or Zumba class. She adds that, while it might seem amazing that she can fit in regular exercise while raising three kids and working, she structures her time in ways that make it all work. She watches no TV, for example, wakes up at 6 a.m., and, while she’s at the park with her children, “I’m working out. I’m not sitting there on my iPhone.” And she gets plenty of help from her husband, David Casler.

Casler, who suffered a traumatic brain injury during a bomb attack in Iraq, where he worked as a private security contractor, is no longer able to work. He volunteers, though, with the Team Rubicondisaster-relief organization. 

It's not the first time a fitness-oriented mom has caused an online uproar. Just last month, a stay-at-home mom in Los Angeles received a barrage of criticism after posting a photo of herself lifting weights during a CrossFit workout.

Kang concludes that much in life is mind over matter — whether it’s recovering from an attack like her husband’s or staying in slamming shape while raising a brood of boys. “It’s really where your mind is,” she says, referring to the different ways that people might interpret her photo. “I just hope that the person who feels completely overwhelmed can see they can control their own destiny. To know that there’s no excuse for not making time for yourself.”

via :yahoo

Scarlett Johansson Crowned Sexiest Woman Alive By Esquire Again

Scarlett Johansson has been named Esquire's Sexiest Woman Alive — again!

"I'm the only woman to win twice right?" the "Don Jon" star asks the magazine, which gave her the same honor back in 2006. "You know, I gotta hustle. I'm a 28-year-old woman in the movie business, right? Pretty soon the roles you're offered all become mothers. Then they just sort of stop. I have to hedge against that with work-theater, producing; this thing with Esquire."

[More Hot Photos From ScarJo’s Sexiest Woman Alive Shoot]

The actress has definitely been keeping herself busy. In between films, Johansson got engaged to French journalist Romain Dauriac over the summer.

"I didn't think I was a jealous person until I started dating my current, my one-and-only," the sexy star reveals. "I think maybe in the past I didn't have the same kind of investment. Not that I liked my partner less, I just wasn't capable of it or caring that much."

[Scarlett Reveals All in Esquire's Sexiest Woman Alive Interview]

Scarlett has been in several high-profile relationships, romancing the likes of Sean Penn and Jared Leto. She was also married to Ryan Reynolds before calling it quits in 2010. But being in a relationship with the Sexiest Woman Alive can't be easy.

"Look, I'm with a Frenchman. I think jealousy comes with the territory," she tells Esquire. "But I'd rather be with someone who's a little jealous than someone who's never jealous. There's something a little dead fish about them. A little depressing. It may not make sense, but you need to feel a little. I know, irrational, right?"

[25 Sexy Dating Rules All Men Should Know]

All jealousy aside, Scarlett is excited to take the plunge again, and it sounds like she's going to have plenty of time to do a little wedding planning.

"I'm taking a month-long vacation," she reveals. " But I'm not going anywhere, which just makes it more of a staycation. There's luxury in being near home. When you spend a lot of time, like I do, just standing around and waiting, or being moved from place to place, every minute gets consumed by something someone else has set up for you.

[75 Things Men Don't Know About Women]

"And it's not like I'm always in a beautiful place wearing something gorgeous," Johansson continues. "I've stood around bogs wearing half a million dollars' worth of jewelry, up to my knees in the rot, thinking how much more or less the place smelled like a sewer than it did the day before. And that is not what you'd call a problem exactly; it just wears you out. What I want to do right now is sleep late, read the paper. I've come to see that there's something pretty great about having two hours to read."

Beauty and brains … no wonder she's earned Esquire's Sexiest Woman Alive title twice.

via:yahoo

The most iconic denim looks of all time

Brooke Shields

It's hard to imagine our closets without them, but don't let the everyday appeal of a good pair of jeans fool you. Hollywood is no stranger to trendsetting with denim, especially during these 25 moments.

In the famous Calvin Klein ad, 1980.

Marilyn Monroe and Keith Andes

In Clash By Night, 1952.

Jaclyn Smith, Kate Jackson, and Farrah Fawcett

In disguise on Charlie's Angels, 1976.

Catherine Bach

In The Dukes of Hazzard, circa 1980.

Janet Jackson

On the cover of Rolling Stone, 1993.

Jennifer Lopez

On TRL's Super Bowl special, 2001.

Oprah Winfrey

Showing off her 67-pound weight loss, 1988.

Jessica Simpson

In The Dukes of Hazzard, 2005.

Britney Spears and Justin Timberlake

At the American Music Awards, 2001.

Kirstie Alley

In a photo shoot at her Los Angeles home, 1981.

Cindy Crawford

In a Pepsi commercial, 1991.

Katie Holmes

In New York City, 2013.

via: msn

Paris fashion is sometimes cruel, always fun

PARIS (AP) — The fashion world can be a cruel place.

No one knows this better than veteran Jean Paul Gaultierwho decided to turn his spring-summer 2014 collection on its head and do the criticizing for himself.

With a tongue in his cheek, the irreverent designer turned his catwalk collection, one of Saturday's most popular tickets, into a high-octane pastiche of "So You Think You Can Dance" — the U.S. dance competition show.

Rossy de Palma, the muse of filmmaker Pedro Almodovar, sat on a panel inside the cabaret theater venue holding up signs such as "boring" and "no thanks" to auditioning models such as Karly Kloss who vogued in vain to energizing music.

A theatrical Almodovar-esque scene of wife-beating interrupted the presentation, with de Palma striking the assailant down — a moment of pure pantomime drawing whoops from the crowd.

Such was the audacity that even the normally poised Catherine Deneuve, who sat in the front row, was clapping in time and laughing by the end.

In other shows of the day, presentations were distinctly more restrained — such as that of Belgian designer Veronique Leroy, whose delicately constructed clothes in black and white did the talking for themselves. Monochrome was also seen in a surreal collection by Comme des Garcons.

Elsewhere, Vivienne Westwood stayed true to her natural eccentricities and channeled medieval peasants, whereas Viktor & Rolf's collection disappointed by losing the creative energy achieved in their last, abstract couture show.



JEAN PAUL GAULTIER

Such was the creative mayhem of the Gaultier presentation, it seemed as if the clothes took second place.

The collection opened with several looks in black lace, studs and leather with asymmetrical paneling.

They seemed to channel the movie "Grease," with the reference brought home loud and clear when two models danced like Sandy and Danny on the podium to the sound of "You're the One That I Want."

The best of the rather confusing collection were the parts to not use gimmicks.

A series of stones colored coats cut a stylish look, one hanging over the torso in circular, diagonal strips as if ripe for the peeling. Elsewhere, an on-trend metallic jacket and baggy pants came in a great burnt bronze, with a complementary dark orange top.

A model presents a creation as part of Viktor and Rolf's ready-to-wear Spring/Summer 2014 fashion co …

But the late '70s punk looks and floral sections were harder to reconcile with the collection as a whole.


VIKTOR & ROLF

Viktor and Rolf are going back to school.

At least, it appeared so in the Dutch design duo spring-summer 2014 show in Paris which had a vibe of fictional girls' boarding school St Trinian's.

Blazers with badges came in scholarly navy and knee-length double skirts featured knife pleats (layering is the duo's forte), as well as several looks in a black and whiteplaid, reminiscent of English boarding school uniforms.

Since designers Viktor Horsting and Rolf Snoeren returned to the couture stage this July after a 13-year hiatus, there was an optimistic sense that they were trying to revitalize themselves after playing it safe in recent seasons.

Sadly, instead of moving on their couture musings, Saturday's show not only went back to school, but brought them back to where they were last year.

The best look in the show was one that captured this abstract mood they excel at: A deceptively-simple white bustier dress, with folded, almost origami-like pleats giving it a shard-like jagged silhouette.


VIVIENNE WESTWOOD

Medieval pilgrims that Vivienne Westwood imagined during a visit to Canterbury Cathedral were the unlikely muses for the British designer's collection.

Muddy faces, colored earth-splashed knees, hanging girdles and earthy brown canvas cotton and yarn upon yarn of glamorous flowing rags provided the peasant-inspired wardrobe.

These features — sometimes minimalist, sometimes festive — combined with colorful page's stripes, medieval short tabard coats and Juliette sleeves to produce a veritable display from yesteryear.

There was even a saintly halo hat.
View gallery."
A model presents a creation as part of Vivienne Westwood's ready-to-wear Spring/Summer 2014 fashion

But collections from eccentric Westwood elude definition — and indeed to define her would be to limit her art.

So, breaking out of the medieval shackles the designer also included a Latin colored headdress, a gaucho look in yellow ochre and an ode to punk in bright blue — plus her famed peaked shoulders for good measure.

Bags in the show, for example, were made in Kenya in a project organized by the U.N.-supported "Ethical Fashion Initiative."

But Westwood flits between the serious and the gay.

After describing the origins of the fabrics, the designer chuckled that she'd created a style she referred to as "sexy nun."


VERONIQUE LEROY

Like in previous seasons, Veronique Leroy went to the silver screen for inspiration.

For spring-summer — it was award-winning French film "Black and White" by Claire Devers.

But the designer should know she doesn't need to rest on creative references for her show, as her clothes speak for themselves.

Demure looks in black and white, as well as rippling stripes defined the vibe, and delicate construction defined the aesthetic.

Though there were no huge creative leaps here, the first look — a white and ultra pale peach look which hung in pleats and ruffles with a quiet majesty — was possibly one of the most beautiful constructed creations seen all day. Delicate ripples and curves snuck out from waists and shoulders.

But this wasn't just poetical musing: With some of the striped ensembles it was clear this Belgian designer also had her eye on an older clientele.


via : msn

Miss Philippines crowned Miss World amid Muslim anger

Nusa Dua (Indonesia) (AFP) - Miss Philippines was crowned Miss World 2013 in a glittering finale Saturday on the Indonesian resort island of Bali, amid tight security following weeks of hardline Muslim protests.

Hundreds of Islamic radicals held a prayer session in a mosque near the capital to express their anger, while Megan Young wept as she won the coveted title on Hindu-majority Bali at the end of a three-week contest.

 

The 23-year-old, wearing a pearl white gown, promised to be "the best Miss World ever" in front of a cheering crowd, which included many Filipinos, in a venue guarded by heavily armed police and water cannons.

The final was moved to Bali, where there is little hardline influence, from its original venue just outside the capital Jakarta after thousands of protesters took to the streets across the world's most populous Muslim-majority country.

Denouncing the pageant as a "whore contest" and "pornography", the demonstrators pressured authorities into shifting the venue, the latest sign of the growing influence of country's hardline fringe.

Miss World

Hundreds of police were deployed across Bali for Saturday's final, which saw 127 contestants clad in stilettos and shimmering gowns take to the stage in the Nusa Dua resort, southern Bali.

The contestants were quickly whittled down to six. Then, they faced a question-and-answer round before the winner was announced in a contest broadcast to more than 180 countries.

Young, the first ever Philippine Miss World, took the crown from last year's winner, China's Yu Wenxia.

Young, who is studying digital media and also presents TV shows in the Philippines, pledged to "just be myself in everything I do, to share what I know and to educate people".

France's Marine Lorphelin was second, while Ghana's Carranzar Naa Okailey Shooter came in third.

Miss Philippines Megan Young (C) is seen on the catwalk with other Miss World contestants in Nusa Du …

Adding to security concerns in the run-up to the final, the American, British and Australian embassies had warned that extremists might attack the pageant.

Bali has suffered extremist attacks before, notably in 2002 when bombings killed more than 200 people, most of them foreign tourists.

But Saturday's finale passed off smoothly, with no new protests or security scares -- despite a pledge by prominent hardline group the Islamic Defenders' Front (FPI) to stage demonstrations.

Hundreds of members of the FPI and other hardline groups limited themselves to holding a prayer session in a mosque in Sentul, just outside the capital Jakarta, to express their opposition to the pageant.

Organisers had originally planned to hold the final in a 10,000-seat venue in Sentul, before being forced to move to a 2,000-seat centre in Nusa Dua.

Muslim hardliners hold an anti-Miss World protest in Jakarta on September 6, 2013 (AFP Photo/Bay Ism

Those at the prayer gathering were addressed by a Muslim preacher who lashed out at the pageant, which radicals claim goes against Islamic teaching, said FPI member Ustad Maman.

"Indonesia has already shown how it feels about Miss World -- we rejected it here, we reject it anywhere," he told AFP.

Maman said that 5,000 FPI members showed up for the prayer session, although police put the figure at 1,000.

Hardliners in Indonesia have succeeded in getting numerous events deemed "un-Islamic" changed or cancelled in recent times.

Last year, Lady Gaga axed a concert after threats to burn down the venue and criticism for wearing only "a bra and panties".

In a bid to reduce hardline anger, organisers also took an early decision this year to axe the famed bikinis from the "beach fashion" round, replacing them with Balinese sarongs.

A total of 129 contestants had been due to compete in the final, but two pulled out at the last minute, according to organisers.

While the popularity of Miss World, first held in 1951, has waned in the West, continued interest in Asian countries ensures that the final rakes in a huge global television audience.

Venezuela has produced the most Miss Worlds, with six winners, while India and Britain claim five titles each

via: msn